On My Soapbox from Michael Wallis | January 2025
Michael Wallis is the Student Learning Consultant for The Washington Center. His collaborative services are available to faculty who wish to improve the equity and student learning focus of their curricula.
Compassionate Goal-Setting
January is a troublesome time for self-compassion. The almost dissociative positivity of “New Year’s Resolutions” frequently resolve into self-actualized negativity via unsustainable lifestyle changes that fail to meet goals created with truly unkind and unrealistic expectations in mind.
This year, my new year’s resolution is to eliminate the “uns”. What would it look like if I held a little bit of self-compassion in my heart before I went and tried to rearrange my whole biz?
In Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators, Elena Aguilar taught me that self-compassion is one of the keys to resilience. It is the way that we not only wish ourselves the best, but take actions–for the sake of being kind–that intend to reduce our own suffering. Through self-compassion, we find value in routines and rituals, setting healthy boundaries, letting go of old mistakes, and seeking out time with the people we love. Self-compassion is the language of rest, and without speaking that language in your heart your resting cannot be effective.
Using self-compassion, what would it look like to build more sustainable, kind and realistic goals? What would my new year’s resolutions look like with the routines and rituals, boundaries, forgiveness of mistakes, and the people I love built into their foundations?
Well, let’s analyze one and see if we can’t improve it.
One of my goals for this year is to get up at the same time every morning and have enough time to eat breakfast, shower, and do a bit of reading before I leave the house. Ideally, that would be about 5:30am for my schedule.
Now, I know myself, and I know that getting out of bed at 5:30am every morning feels impossible right now. Step one, then, is to forgive myself for all the mornings I haven’t gotten up on time (and all of the mornings that I will fail to get up on time– let’s be realistic). Then, I need to set boundaries. I won’t expect myself to be perfect every day. I won’t try to start this habit all at once– maybe one day a week to start. I’ll set up rituals– coffee will brew while I shower, I’ll set my book and my mug on the table, and I’ll have a soft blanket ready for those cold mornings. I’ll lean on my loved ones– the ones that live in my house– to help me keep to this routine. My girlfriend can help me stay accountable at getting to bed in time for a good night’s sleep. My dog and cat need their morning meal, too, and the dog needs to go outside.
This sounds pretty basic as far as morning routines go, but it will be a big change. Writing it all out, though, I can see that every part of it is built on self-compassion. Eventually, it will stop feeling like work. It will feel like rest. Much better rest than that extra hour of interrupted sleep where I snooze my alarm every 10 minutes.
Having self-compassion is much more than simply speaking affirmations in the bathroom mirror. It’s not a feeling, it’s an active process; you can plan for it, and you don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re anything like me, then that is a comforting idea.
