April 16th, The Day It Happened
Never in my life did I think this would happen, the sky turning red. Like hell turned over and now rested above and not below. In that moment I forgot all notions of non-belief and assumed an event such as the rapture was taking place. But when people didn’t start floating to the sky I began to second guess myself. There was little else I could do except to run on back to the dorms, make sure the people I cared about were safe. The cat was alright. That’s as much as I can say. It’s really the thing I cared about most, and it was the only thing I could really confirm at that time. Cell phone communication was out, any attempt resulted in some kind of garbled hell speech. So quickly did it happen, so quickly I was alright with it. This is gonna sound crazy, but I decided to look at the end of the world as being a sort of fresh start. The world was already going to shit, why not just start over? Granted I’m in the same place that I was before, but the atmosphere is different. Literally. Something different can take place here. Something that can really shake things up, and I don’t mean just the disaster. It’s kind of exciting in a morbid way. I wonder what’s gonna happen next. I can’t wait to find out.
April 17th-23
All things considered, this was not the most stressful week of my existence. I felt like I was more stressed during finals week in High School then I was here at the end of the world. For starters: Willow started talking. I don’t know how, why, or when it actually started, but one morning I woke up and heard this weirdly british sounding accent from the other side of my door. I open it up and there is my roommate’s cat yelling at me that I was sleeping in for too long. I was like, huuuuhhh?????? Am I hearing things correctly? Since when did cats talk, and why is she British of all things???
Somehow that was the least weird thing to happen this week. I forgot to mention the fog last time. Yeah, there was fog. It rolled in about the same time as the red sky. Or was that before? Can’t really remember now. I didn’t write things down right away, and you know how I get, always forgetting things. Anyways, there was fog right there along with the red torn sky. It was changing things. Some people tried to go through it, I believe. Not me. I’m not interested in taking any kind of risk like that. But they are more than welcome to if they feel so inclined. Some of them didn’t come back, I believe. Some did. Though everyone that went through the fog came out a bit…different. A few were normal, others not so much. I remember meeting one of them. One of the ones that was really affected by it all. I don’t think I recognized her from before the disaster. She was, shall we say, basic looking. Tall. A little too tall maybe, like her bones were stretched out or something. She had long stringy blonde hair that had a few twigs stuck through it and clothes roughed up from her time in the fog. I don’t really remember what she was wearing exactly, something basic. The most I remember was her face. Long with hollowed out cheekbones, lips a bit too wide for her face, and darkened eyes.
Oh, I forgot to mention how and why I met her, how silly of me. It was in the new medical area where they were bringing all of the injured folk. The girl, I will get to her name in a moment, was sitting there with a bloody nose. She had apparently been offered assistance with that but declined all help. There was something about her eyes…haunting. She didn’t really look at anything in particular, kind of just stared off into the distance. There was something so intriguing about this person that I had to know more. I asked her name. She said that she couldn’t remember. How strange is that?
She wasn’t all that present in later meetings. I mean, she was there, just usually off in a corner or something. Always watching from the sidelines in the room. She would listen to whoever was speaking and stare at them with such intensity that I thought they might explode from sheer force of will.
A meeting in Evans Hall was the last time I saw her. I don’t really know where she is now. But I probably shouldn’t be thinking about her too much. I have other things to deal with at this time. There is so much to do.
April 24th-May 4th
Honestly, never thought I would be writing a diary entry at this time. I’ve tried journaling before, it’s never really worked out. I don’t enjoy the habit of it. Still don’t. Not really, anyway. But I suppose that if we ever get out of this then a record of the events that took place might be interesting to have.
The end of the world has been surprisingly chill, all things considered. It’s not like I have to worry about classes now. Or having a job. Though it sucks that none of us can leave. I feel like I haven’t had a moment to myself since this has all started. With people being unable to leave, off campus students stuck here when the disaster struck have either taken up residence in Evan’s Hall, the SEM buildings, or just anywhere on campus that has space for them. They’ve been crowding into the dorms, though people have been more hesitant in the apartment areas. The fog reaches a little too close for comfort over here. I can see it just outside my bedroom window. An impenetrable wall of thick white smoke that I couldn’t imagine walking through. People have certainly tried, this I know. I haven’t heard much yet about that. I should probably ask, I guarantee it would be somewhat of interest. Along with maintaining a relatively chill atmosphere, the end of the world can grow a little boring when everything begins to settle into place in the aftermath.
They’ve been having meetings. I’ve been trying to attend them, but it is all more of the same thing spewed over and over again. Should we go into the fog, should we not go into the fog, is maintaining the farm still a possibility? What happens now that we are running out of food? I hate to admit it, but I have been storing some myself. But it’s not like I’m the only one. We don’t talk about it much, but we are all desperate here. Keeping ahold of what little of what little we have from the world before is all that is driving some of us forward. Perhaps that is why I have been so calm about this. There is a desire to return to normalcy. But also a confession that I must add here as I think it is rather important: I have never felt more free than I do right now.
May 5th-May 15th
Without technology, it has become unreasonably difficult to tell what day it is. I have a calendar, but it’s not like I use it often. A planner with me too, but that sits at the bottom of a drawer, sometimes I forget it is even there. I’m sure that someone is keeping track. But I have not crossed paths with this person yet, nor have I really asked.
I’m finally doing something now. I supposed that it had to happen at some point or another. I can’t just sit around doing nothing forever. What exactly am I doing, you might ask? I haven’t had the chance to mention this, but there are bears on campus now. Not dangerous ones, they seem docile enough. Friendly even. I think that the deer have taken to hunting them so they are venturing further for food and comfort. Which has led to a considerable amount of bear sightings in and around campus. In my free time I’m determined to become friends with them. I’m already thinking of names, I like to run them by my roommate when we’re both free. It’s something new to talk about at least.
Now, what it is that I am doing. From that first paragraph, you might have thought that it had something to do with the bears. But it doesn’t. Not really at least. I’ve been attempting to hunt squirrels. Keyword: attempting. I’m not very good at the hunting part. Dismantling I can do a bit easier, even if the sight does still make me a bit queasy. My roommate has been going with some others to try and find a way to the farm. I keep worrying that she’s not going to come back. Not everyone does these days. And those that do, well…they don’t always come back right. I believe that we still have some people working on that. I am not one of them. I could not be one of them even if I wanted to. That kind of work is far beyond my capacity. Even from a distance I can tell that it will take a lot to restore the people lost to the fog back to their natural state. Or perhaps this is all they will ever be now. Mindless. All I know is, I cannot help with that. Skinning squirrels is all I’m good for.
May 16th-June 1st
Morning announcements are kind of fun. It’s taken up quite a bit of my time now, but hey, it’s better than skinning squirrels! I think I realized during a recent trip through the fog (yes I went in there, I will be sure to say more later) that patrol was not my style. Perhaps I will volunteer for that every once in a while, but I have grown comfortable here. I’m often the one of the only people in the studio when doing announcements. It’s nice to have a moment alone for once. When actually going through the announcements, I have some time to collect my thoughts. Really think about things. Sometimes about what the next set of announcements will be on. I’ve been thinking about inviting guests.
There are some people who are more involved with those rescued from the fog that I would love to talk to. I remember speaking with a student recently rescued from the fog once. It was a strange experience. There is also Butch the farm cat. I really wanna know what he has to say now that he’s talking with words. Should be interesting, don’t you think? He’s always been a very talkative cat, but the problem is that I never spoke cat so I never understood what he was trying to say. Do you think that a cat would want to be on what is essentially an apocalyptic podcast? He’s a dream guest, for sure. I think our prior status as coworkers will make him more interested. I do at least hope that he has been faring well during all of this. Haven’t really had the chance to see him all that much. We only just got the farm back after all.
I think the sky’s been changing. I see people staring at it. When I have the time to walk around I’ve noticed them standing there all funny looking. Sometimes people try to get them to stop, to focus on something else. But it never works. They’re mumbling. I don’t really know what they’re saying. I don’t know if I want to.
June 2nd-June 9th
I don’t think I want to share what happened in the fog. It’s not like I can even remember it now. That was a muddled time in my mind. There isn’t much to go off of.
You ever get that strange feeling that things are about to end? Like you don’t know exactly when, no set timeline, but you feel it in your gut like the end is almost there. I can’t say exactly why I am feeling this way. I don’t think anyone else is. At least, I haven’t asked them. They might look at me funny. Funnier then they’re looking at those people staring at the sky, that’s for sure.
Cause I’ve been feeling this way, I’ve sort of…taken up residence in KAOS. It’s not like I’m always there 24/7. It’s just where I spend the majority of my time. Morning announcements take up a great deal of my day. I’m always running around gathering info from various places on campus. It’s the most exercise I’ve had in a long time. I guess the one thing about being here so often is that I miss my roommate’s cat, Willow. She also started talking. But unlike Butch, who sounds like an old man that’s been smoking a pack a day for the past 20-30 years, Willow is British for some reason. Don’t know why. She doesn’t either. Believe me, I’ve asked. I love her to death but I might actually start losing it. She will not stop talking. She even exaggerates the already exaggerated accent. She actually said “Oh good heavens!” the other day I kid you not.
The sky is evil. I know it is. I may not be the best judge of character, but I know freaky stuff when I see it. And people keep staring at it. Why??? It’s clearly something supper fucked and no one has the guts to come out and admit it. They just stare at it like it’s some kind of mona lisa or whatever. Maybe that’s why I’ve been staying in KAOS so much. Not really many windows down there. I can avoid the sky all I want. The sun is a deadly laser, and if other people won’t admit it. Not my sky demons, not my problem.
June 10-20
The deer spoke to me. I don’t know what else to say. What did they tell me, you might ask? “No one will believe you.” And so far, few have. But rest assured, I am trying my best to have them see the light. It started with me walking. I’ve been convinced by my friend and others to volunteer for patrol. Once a week, that’s all they asked. Just to get me out of KAOS every once and a while. I didn’t think that it was necessary. The sun is still as fucked up as ever. When I look at it it’s not out of some fondness of curiosity, but a rage intensifying. I don’t like it. I don’t get why other people don’t like it. Why do they keep staring? Why are they so curious about a thing that I know will affect us all? It already has. That thing in the sky.
On one of my patrols around campus I was heading back to KAOS when I saw out of the corner of my eye what looked like a deer striding near the edge of some trees. I wanted to run to the safety of the CAB building, but instead I stood there. The deer were always nice before. Easily startled, but always nice. And so, I stood there. Even when I knew well enough how malevolent they had become. The deer came closer.
Its black eyes stared at me and I looked back.
“Hello.” I said.
The deer stepped a bit closer. And grinned at me. It fucking grinned at me.
“No one will believe you.” it said with the most noticeable southern accent I had ever heard a deer speak in. Weird. I didn’t think they would be southern, but then again, I didn’t think Butch would sound Texan either.
It left before I could pursue it, so I went back to KAOS. Since then I have been trying to have another conversation with the deer. I seek them out. More than the average sain person on Evergreen does these days, much more. I think people are starting to grow concerned. They look at me funny. They think I’m crazy. They think it’s the fog making me think these things, that it messed with my mind somehow. I was in there one time and that was weeks ago. I’m all better now. But the deer. The deer chose me to talk to for some reason I cannot yet explain. No one else has reported similar instances. Or if there have been any, maybe they’re not willing to come forward. Maybe they think they’ll be seen as crazy too. Just like me.