AND SCREENINGS FOR THE FILMS:
LIVING INSIDE, 4 mins, 1989
A NEW YEAR, 4mins, 1989
ME AND RUBYFRUIT, 6 mins, 1990
frm an interview w/ Benning, November 2003
pixelvision (video designed to record on a cassette tape) has an abstract/animated quality to it … in this sense, it is kind of demanding of the audience
sadie says: speaking with intonation gives emotion, but reading the words alone (w/yr eyes) allows to the viewer to internalize what is being said
pg.11. “It seems like a criticism, that you have only your identity and nothing else — no conceptual ideas, no fantasy, no formal concerns. It’s seen as therapeutic and self-serving. I think that’s a reductive way of seeing work that has political or identity-based content.”
coexistences of love & hopefulness // abandonment & loss
What does it mean to inherit toxins and live amongst poison???
CREATING A BLANKNESS FOR THE AUDIENCE TO PROJECT EMOTION ONTO
If Every Girl Had A Diary (1990)
“TO BE ALONE IS TO KNOW YOURSELF FOR YOU
AND NOT WHO YOU’RE WITH”
pg.17. emotional immediacy created thru distancing (taking the form of an extreme close up, the eye, or other various parts of the face)
“Sometimes the truth is in moments that are never seen and can’t be captured.”
~* it is interesting to think abt the ways in which distance is created through the use of extremely up close imagery, seemingly contradictory, it is not at all b/c once confronted with such a close image you are given the opportunity to question your spacial relationship and closeness to the piece … you suddenly recognize yourself as separate entity, searching for your place to enter into and exit out of the film or vision
pg.18 FRAGILE not ust because of the emotional content but b/c of the technology being used to make it … pixels … transferring … you keep having to transfer … there is so much potential for loss … or disappearing completely
Living Inside (screening)
parts of the face
i see a window, we are inside her bedroom?
“scooping” “mashed potatoes” “my dog is old so is my gramma”
my mom watches oprah every day
I SHOULD BE AT SCHOOL
close up of the eyes, “killed the plant”
msg on the answering machine?
couldn’t tell who was talking, who was speaking to whom
blowing bubbles with gum until i can’t see her face anymore
it all turns white
A New Year (screening)
close up :: words i can catch on the newspaper :: HERNIA GRIEVE SUPER NERD
“girl i know go hit by a drunk driver / leg broken & twisted like putty”
suddenly we are inside a snowglobe …
“IT WOULD BE EASY TO DIE”
— we are reading her handwriting —
is it too much to say out loud?
“a friend of mine got raped by a black man, now she is a racist nazi skinhead”
suddenly we are looking thru the blinds, at construction work? …
i feel forced into listening to secrets i never asked to know about
why is it important that i hear them?
i feel forced into thinking abt the implications of this, sharing secrets, or sharing information that is disguised as something secret (MAKING IT SEEM ALSO DANGEROUS) … but is not secret or silent at all, it is all actually very loud, very real, and happening all the time, everywhere —
Me and Rubyfruit (screening)
I WILL GET MARRIED LIKE MY MOTHER
ONLY MY HUSBAND WILL BE HANDSOME
why don’t you marry me i’m not handsome but i’m pretty
I CAN’T GET MARRIED
IT’S A RULE
GIRLS CAN’T GET MARRIED
does your stomach feel kind of strange?
~* this is a dialogue between (seemingly) two selves
if it’s not just between Sadie Benning and herself, then who else?
who is she talking to …
i feel scared abt where it goes or is going
imgs of hetero porn flash onto the screen … from a magazine
i am thinking abt homoerotic desire???
“KISSING IN SECRET”
letters are cut out of black paper and taped to the window (her bedroom window)
~* once again i am reminded: i’ve been let into such an intimate space
i want to leave, i don’t want to forget what i’ve seen, but i feel like i don’t belong here
once again i am reminded of what Benning said in her interview, abt creating a sense of emotional immediacy thru distancing … this feels hyper present in her films, especially considering how short they are … SUCH GLIMPSES … the camera even follows the words on the paper like the eye would