(Image: Ikea Monkey, from Lauren Kaelin‘s Benjameme series)

For this PsychicCity assignment I went to a cafe under the Friedrichstrasse S-Bahnhof, ordered some coffee and warm strudel, and answered the following questions (as offered by Jules).

Q: Honestly, how are you doing?

A: I’m very, seemingly inescapably tired. I’m sure everybody has heard me complain about it at this point–so sorry everyone!–but I really find it strange. No matter how much or how little sleep I get, I still feel exhausted for all but about 3 hours of every day.

Q: Do you hate it here or do you love it?

A: I would say that I like it a lot, but it’s hard to say whether I love it. It’s a sort of peculiar experience to be here for so long without needing to think about or plan for normal life things; and that makes it difficult to compare to other experiences.

Q: Are you homesick?

A: Nope. I really like living in an urban environment, so while I miss some people a lot I really don’t miss being in either Washington or Texas.

Q: Are things getting hard?

A: Some things are… Showering and laundry have become a bit stressful (which is bad because I’m already pretty lazy about those things), so it would be nice to be in a place where I felt like I had an equal claim again. My host parents are totally gracious, it’s just something I can’t help but to feel.

Q: What is your temporal experience? (For example: I don’t operate on dates or days of the week)

A: That still feels pretty normal, except that the weeks are passing very quickly (but that’s not uncommon when I’m at home either).

Q: Are you remembering things? Can you access images and feelings and emotions at any point in this city? Are you unable?

A: I am reading this as asking if I’m able to access memories from earlier in life while on this trip; and I’m not sure if it is more or less than is usual but it is definitely a yes. I am especially reminded of many of my experiences when I first lived in NYC and I didn’t know the city very much so I was frequently just  a little bit lost, and a little too nervous to ask for help.

Q: Are your habits changing?

A: Some, but not as many as I expected (or perhaps hoped). I have been eating breakfast more regularly because my blood sugar has been a much more present concern than it normally is. I have also been going to sleep earlier than I do at home (except for one or two nights a week).

Q:  What is scaring you?

A: My general fatigue, and my struggle to become conversational (let alone fluent) in German are both worrying me with regard to my graduate school prospects.

Q: How do you handle being alone?

A: It’s honestly more that I need regularly (and sometimes struggle to attain) that it is something for me to cope with.

Q: What could you possibly do in a strange place to truly calm down?

A: I don’t know about Truly… but I typically find somewhere to nap. Sometimes that is at ‘home’ in bed, or sometimes it is on a bench somewhere, or even on the ground in a park if it is sunny and dry.

Q: Is class stressful?

A: Yes, I am struggling to stay on top of everything. This is due in part to the previously mentioned exhaustion/fatigue, and partially to my own normal laziness and poor attention.

Q: What kind of thoughts are you thinking? There’s usually a pattern there.

A: Lately, a lot of pessimistic ones. :/

Q: Do you miss anyone?

A: Yes.