This past month has been one long life changing experience, that has been fun yet difficult. I feel I am growing more and more comfortable here though as time goes on, so I am constantly excited for what is to come.

How am I doing? I’m doing good. I feel like I have finally managed to get on top of all the various things that I need to be doing while I am here.

I certainly don’t hate it here. I cannot claim that I love it quite yet, because love is a strong word, but I certainly enjoy the crap out of it. Every time I see a big beautiful church after turning the corner I get my breath taken away, every time. I do also appreciate the rail/transportation system here. This makes me wish that Seattle could attempt to get on their level, even though I know that will never happen. I guess one of the things that I have to confess that I don’t really,like is the German mood. Yes Germans are nice and polite, but they are not very friendly. I hear this is also mostly confined to Berlin, and I hope this is true, this I woul love to see the south.

I give my folks a call every weekend. I feel like every time I call the, I have some amazing story to tell them. I would not say that I am homesick, but I feel that when I do go home, I will be excited to share my experience with anyone who will listen.

Things are always hard, it is simply a matter of finding a way to stablilize yourself. I don’t know what that means, but I don’t think I am overwhelmed right now. I really do wish my German was better, I mean a lot better, because I feel like I am just not learning fast enough. By the time I leave here I still won’t be able to have a conversation in German. And with all the various school work assignments, I feel like I don’t get the time to properly devote myself outside of the CIEE classroom to working on improving. The CIEE is going to end soon, though, I hope I have improved immensely by then. Without the class schedule I will have more time to my self to interact with Germans and Germany.

When I first got here, I was able to wake up easily and go to class. For some reason, I don’t know if it’s the cold dark weather or what, but it has become harder and harder for me to wake up in the mornings. Maybe I need to find a consistent schedule and stick to it, easier said than done.

Accessing my emotions here is a very difficult thing to do. Because each day is something so new, it is hard for me to take the time to compile all of these experiences and create a train of emotional thought. Did I enjoy this, for instance, or did I enjoy doing it because it was new?

I wouldn’t say I am unable to, it’s just that I don’t find myself trying to.

I’m adapting more to a bit of a routine. As far as habits go, I cannot say that there have been any drastic changes. It is nice having someone cook dinner for you, but it is a little odd.

What is caring me is not being able to speak German and not getting all the things done that I need to while I am here for such a short time.

I feel like I have always been somewhat of an independent, if you can call it that, person, so I don’t mind being alone.

If I was feeling anxious, I would try to a place to get something to eat. Maybe like Doner. This may sound weird, but I like food, everyone likes food, eating food rocks. Eating great food is even better. The feeling associated with ordering and eating Doner is one that I have come to enjoy, therefore I must not eat it all the time, but rather special occasions. But not that special, it’s only 3 Euro.

Class is stressful. Learning a language should be. I have tried learning Spanish, French and Latin, but I don’t remember any of any of them, not really anyways. This is the first time I have visited the country where the language is spoken, immersion they call it. I have had plenty of forewarning of just how difficult this is will be, but is still doesn’t fully prepare you. You just want to be fluent already, but it’s taking forever!

A pattern for my thoughts… I would say the closest thing to a pattern I can think of is that Belin is constantly surprising me with how big it is. I also try to avoid thinking about when I am leaving, not in a bad way, because time is absolutely flying here. And they say time flies while you are having fun, but I want this to last damnit.

I miss certain special people.