This next quarter is a pretty big step towards assuming more responsibility for my life. I’m taking this time to remove some of the structures I’ve relied on in order to create a lifestyle for myself that more accurately reflects what I want. I’m a little anxious, but mostly I feel excited.

Basically, I want to learn the things I aim to learn the things I want to learn, on my own time, and I want to find the motivation within myself to do that. I feel like I’ve spent the better part of my life thus far procrastinating. That’s not to say I feel regret, but I do think I’ve given myself a purpose which I’ve often left on the sidelines. I want to take this time to give that purpose the respect it deserves. I’m not content with where I am as a musician, as a songwriter, or even as a listener. I want to be better. So I’m going to work on myself. I could say that this is a turning point in my life, but I won’t. I don’t think its fair to say I’ve made that change until I’m already in the middle of it- until I’ve committed myself to my goals.

Most of my anxiety about this stems from the fact that, as it stands now, I won’t be receiving any structure or credits from college for this. While it is my goal to supply my own structures, I’m still a bit apprehensive about the prospect. I’m thinking that it’ll be good for me to journal as a way of keeping myself on track. Keeping a journal will enable me to step back and reflect on what I’m doing so that I may address any problems I’m having. This blog might actually be a good format for me to keep honest tabs on my progress, especially since I’m already laying the groundwork for it here. I think it’ll also be easier once I establish some other routines for myself such as meditating, listening, reading, etc. As far as credits are concerned, I’m entertaining the possibility of pursuing this study as an ILC. I plan on speaking with an academic advising tomorrow to see if this is actually my best course of action.

I’m quite excited to push myself, and, in that excitement, I may be biting off more than I can chew. The readings I’ve picked are exactly what I want, but they’re also pretty dense materials. While the physics and philosophy portions of this study are meant to fuel my desire to engage with music, I’m a bit worried of getting too caught up in trying to complete those texts and that my time spent with actual music might be affected. Again, I think keeping a journal will be a good way for me to take a step back and make sure I’m keeping my goals balanced.The fact that both the physics and philosophy I study will be used in my approach to music is appealing to me though, and the idea is that thinking of music in these ways will give me a deeper appreciation for it- in turn pushing me to play more.

I’m eager to get into launch this project. Hermann Helmholtz’s book, On the Sensations of Tone, just arrived in the mail today. This book was printed especially for my order, and both the book and its content appear dense. Likewise this path I’m taking appears daunting, but it’s also a path that I can proudly call my own. My real hope is that by the end of this quarter I won’t be satisfied with my accomplishments, but that I’ll be continually striving to outdo myself.