I can’t even remember the last time i posted a blog entry for all you folks. I guess that is a good sign. Ever since I decided to stay and just walk, everything has been going sooooo right.  I have been feeling good, walking, thinking about the changes I have been making.

I have to say that one week on the Camino is equal to maybe a week, possibly a little bit longer. The conversations that you have and being in a new town each night feels like so much longer. I find that this is a common theme amongst pilgrims. The person we meet 2 days ago feels like a close friend we have known for a long time. The conversations are deeper the walking helps you process better. This is how meaningful relationships are formed. There is no pressure to be anyone but yourself. The masks that you wear at home just have to come down and you unconsciously let people in more than you would outside the Camino. At least this has been my experience.

Nothing really matters anymore. Wanting to be right, in charge, in control, all of it. It no longer makes any sense as to why I have been fighting against freeing myself to do the things I want to do.

I can equate the life I have been trying to live as a box. I lived in this box as a child. It was safe, u see the protection of my parents. Always trying to fit in the box that society creates as well. Wear the right clothes, get the good grades, go to college. Have friends, even if they are superficial, get the perfect job and then get your own box and do it all again, teaching your children about the box. All this has ever gotten me is sadness, hurt, and misery. In the quest to fit, you will attempt to make others fit in the box too, even if that is not their goal. You will do everything you can to shove, kick, squeeze them into that damn box and while doing this, you will break them.

I reflect on my life and I understand that to flip this life of mine upside down and make lasting changes to escape my world of boxes I must, must, must let go of any idea of what my life is supposed to look like and drop ALL expectations.

This past week has been just amazing. I hooked up with a great chick from Boulder. Fluent in Spanish and all around grounded and not like a lot of people I have met lately. We had a fabulous walking relationship and ran the gamut of topics on life, love, careers and dreams. We often would find ourselves getting swept up into old ways of judgement and negativity. It is easy to do as you get closer to Santiago. The droves of Touregrinos that start filling the way are difficult to swallow, but we came up with a saying after reading some information about reflecting on experiences. We “flip it”. When I find myself doing something, saying something negative or behaving in a way that does not feel good, I attempt to see it in a different way. I flip it over and look at the other side.   Not only is this fun to do, it feels a lot better too.

We both decided to go our own ways today. Not because of each other but because we know we need some solitude and quiet walking…or do we?

My big lesson from this week was that I learned I do not want to go through this life alone. I want a partner. I want to share the fun and experiences with someone special. Friends are nice, but I want someone to be there in the morning, that I share my dreams with. We cook breakfast together talk about our plans for the day and then come together at the end for storytelling, games and love.

I had this. I took advantage of it, abused it and I may have lost it because of my own selfishness and trying to fit him into a box. I can only hope that he sees me for the first time when I get home and trusts I am a new woman and trusts in the life I want to share with him. Free to be ourselves and enjoy all this world has to offer.

I mean how amazing would it be to travel from port to port, free of any cares, nothing attaching you and nothing weighing you down. Working as needed, staying if the mood strikes, meeting amazing people and creating memories that are shared through the stories we tell wherever we go. Not worrying about what if,  take it as it comes. It is like a Camino of life!

Now that doesn’t feel overloaded at all.  Perhaps we all need to find a way to live out of the box so we can lighten the load.