It’s funny to be studying memory now.<\/p>\n
I worked at a bar last summer. One night after we closed my co-workers and I were sitting at one of the tables, talking about nonsense. It was probably 3:30 in the morning. Somehow conversation turned to when people you know die. They were all relating stories to each other and I mentioned that nobody super close to me had ever died. “Knock on wood” I added, rapping on the table.<\/p>\n
“Knock on fucking <\/em>wood, dude” my co-worker said. He knocked too.<\/p>\n Two weeks later my very recent ex-boyfriend killed himself. The night he died is engraved upon my memory. I remember finding out. I remember calling my mom. I remember drinking pink wine while someone put on the first episode of Sons of Anarchy to distract me. I tried to hold it together but “Fools Rush In” by Elvis played and I ran into the bathroom and lost it.<\/p>\n I was afraid to go to sleep because I didn’t want to wake up in the morning and have this new knowledge flood me. I also thought I would be wandering through the world and be accosted by memories of our time together. Instead I found I couldn’t remember anything. I tried to summon memories of him.\u00a0 They weren’t coming.<\/p>\n All I could summon was a memory of one of our first days together. It was the second time we met. We agreed to meet at a corner when we were both coming home from different parties. I remembered walking up the street and seeing him waiting for me on a corner of the neighborhood I grew up in, a lone figure illuminated under a streetlight. His back was turned, he didn’t know I was coming.<\/p>\n We spent years together and I never thought of this moment while he was alive. After he died, this was the only memory I could will to mind for a few weeks.<\/p>\n Memories are weird, yo.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It’s funny to be studying memory now. I worked at a bar last summer. One night after we closed my co-workers and I were sitting at one of the tables, talking about nonsense. It was probably 3:30 in the morning…. Continue Reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1168,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/728"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1168"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=728"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/728\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=728"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=728"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.evergreen.edu\/losttime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=728"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}