I’ve had a rocky childhood full of incapacitated adults who couldn’t take care of themselves much less their children. With my mother working 2 or 3 jobs at a time and my step dad not wanting to or unable to watch over a daughter that was not his, I was alone. I wasn’t alone in the sense of being by myself physically, but mentally. I was alone to wonder my own mind of a broken childhood, times when I wondered “why did this happen to me?”

My childhood is were I stopped believing in god. Because in my prepubescent mind how can a higher power that is suppose to watch over people let a child at the age of 10 be alone. I was alone in my mind when I heard those footsteps late at night going up the stairs and I prayed they would go away. I was alone while I sat amongst my siblings watching TV, because they couldn’t or I wouldn’t let them know how I was feeling or what I have been through. I had to protect them, if no one else would.

For years I was left to watch over other peoples kids. I started to babysit for my aunty when I was 8. I took care of my sister’s children when I was 10. Not so they can work or go to school, but so they can forget about their problems, in doing so they gave them to me. How can having children be such a problem, such a nuisance? Do they not see the damage they are causing not only to their own children but also to me? I am stuck to fix everything, I am stuck to make sure their kids know that what their parents are doing is wrong, but they love them. That’s another thing I didn’t understand “love”. How am I suppose to know what love is if it’s not modeled for me? My parents hardly ever said they loved us or even showed it. They never saw each other to love each other. 27 years of marriage and I’ve never seen them sleep in the same room. However, I knew that was not love or a real marriage.

By the time I was 14 I wanted to escape the prison I called my mind. I would leave my house for days on end and only my siblings would notice I was gone. I never missed school because that was also my scapegoat. By the time I was 15 my life changed forever. The day I found out I was pregnant was my turning point. I never tried any drugs to this day and the 1^st time I ever drank alcohol I was 24 because I knew I wanted a better life for my children. On that day I realized I wasn’t going to be the parent that was modeled to me. I wasn’t going to let my children see me incapacitated in any way.

On this day I looked forward. I no longer let the burdens of my childhood hold me back. I realized that I was leading my life down the wrong path. People look at teen pregnancy as a bad choice. My daughter was the best thing that happened to me. She made me look at my life and showed me I could do better. She showed me that for her I could change. I made sure that my daughter Myra never endured anything I did in my childhood.

Myra is such a great role model being going 13-years-old. She’s in all advance placement classes making straight A’s. She strives to become a lawyer. She researches scholarships that she can possibly apply for in the future. I started this class a day late and not getting my books tell Friday I struggled to catch up on the reading, Myra threaten to lock me in my room without my phone. As she watched her younger siblings so I can attempt to do my work.

I ask myself where I would be if it weren’t for Myra coming as early as she did. That’s not a question I want the answer for. How did a baby change my whole out look on life? She made me realize that life after all wasn’t so bad. That what I’ve been through even though it was horrible made me who I am today. So in ending this paper I would like to thank my daughter for putting up me because without her I wouldn’t be here in class today.

-Celia Avitia-