I was aware of what was going on and I knew how important this was to me.  Every person in school that I thought was, 1″cool,” was in Teen council.  This program represented the very essence of cool.  It was within this group that the seniors I was most intensely obsessed with were involved.  These seniors were those untouchable and smug looking people who appeared to be trying really hard not to be associated with the rest of the student body. It was these same students who were part of the extremely exclusive Planned Parenthood Program; Teen Council.  My obsession with this program was rather intense, I applied to be a member of Teen Council all four years of high school.

So there I was, pretending to be Charmander while the current Teen Council members evaluated me for my aptitude towards becoming a peer educator.  The interview process was rather silly, I felt that the questions had little to do with reproductive rights or whether or not I was qualified to be a part of the program.  Regardless I was accepted and became a member.  I found out that the group was quite different that what I had first thought.

I was accepted in the Spring and started in the fall, there was a retreat that we all went on that I remember the most.  I was rather shy during the retreat, immediately we were separated into two groups; the people who were already in Teen Council the year before and then the newcomers.  I felt very out of place at first, that I didn’t belong there.  We did trust and team building exercises all day long and then that night we all sat around the campfire sharing intimate stories.  I shared my story of sexuality, sexual orientation and myself.

Kevin and I were the two most out of the closet kids in high school.  We were often grouped together and many people thought that we were a couple including my parents.  Kevin was a symbol to me, a symbol of survival as a gay teen as well as a conduit of confidence.  When we were together, we felt safe, untouchable and utterly chic.  Yet our relationship caused a distance between everyone in my life.  I shared mine and Kevin’s story of ultimate high school friendship and how it helped me to claim my sexuality and push through the woes and hardships of adolescence.

What I shared with the rest of the Teen Council members wasn’t about one specific event, it was more about my current situation in life.  Sharing my story had caused an emotional reaction in myself and others, we were all left in tears.  As my story ended and I looked at everyone else a great fear had set within me.  I had never cried in front of strangers before, I immediately felt awkward and spoiled the event.  In retrospect the scary part was the relief I felt after sharing my life with random strangers.  There was a space created that made me extremely vulnerable but also excited.

That summer retreat was empowering and awakening.  I experienced for the first time what being in a close, tight-knit community was like.  Ever since that retreat ended I’ve longed to go back, to experience that summer again.  I craved real human connection, vulnerability and emotional sensuality.