In Search of Lost Time

The Evergreen State College

Category: Journal (Page 13 of 25)

Journal Entry 6

April 19

Just came off my USAF reserve weekend. Thankfully it was mostly uneventful which allowed me some time to read. We’ve moved into a new book now. I’m unsure if I’m getting this a little better, or if the flow is less turbulent, but either way we’re as smooth as sandpaper now. Far from where I’d like to be, but better than where we came. Hoping not to get blindsided with some transpiring event not outlined in the syllabus after missing Thursday. Aside from that I feel prepared for the week to come. It looks like we’ll be hosting two guest speakers, and I’m excited to hear what they have to teach me. Maybe some insight on an even better way to digest what we’re all reading. Hers to looking forward!

Journal Entry 5

April 16

What an interesting week. Many things in my personal life have interfered with my reading. I knew there would be times like these, but I feel like I could have still made up these pages if written in a more modern less descriptive pen. I’m a bit frustrated with the multiple pages of descriptive tangents. I would love to see more meat and potatoes so to speak right now. Just feeling a bit frustrated with the way this novel is written, and its lack of flow! Are there any passages in this book that don’t require re-reading to somewhat wrap our minds around what’s in front of us? And just to top this lovely volatile Sunday, I’ve had a bad reaction to Benadryl I took to combat allergies and get some sound sleep last night. When my pulse finally quit racing at 4am Thursday after lying awake staring at a black ceiling all night, there was no way I could make class. A short nap gave me enough charge to get the kids off to school, then it was back to bed. I’m thankful to say I’ve fully recovered from tis escapade, and look forward to a better week to come.

Journal Entry 4

April 9

Another great film that would have otherwise gone unseen by me! The Stories We Tell! I really loved the way this was filmed. There were so many parts of actual footage interwoven with dramatized scenes that looked and felt so real that me as a first time viewer couldn’t depict the two apart. I loved Michael I felt like he was the idealistic dad I always wanted in my life. Maybe not so good at domestic chores, but clearly possessed an unconditional love for his family, mainly his children. Diana somewhat bugged me. Her description sounded entirely too flighty, and she was just too much of a busy bee. Her kids come across as an outstanding bunch however! All appear to have such good hearts, and it kind of makes me want to know them all. Then add Hairy to the mix. This man seems like he should have his own documentary. Oh wait, he did… I wanted to not like him because the story told made him out to be a booty hound. It just rubs me the wrong way when I hear of a man so persistently wearing down a married woman until she succumbs to his advances. After we saw a little more of him, not the character of him, I accepted him as a good man as well. I could continue to go on talking of this film, but it’s late. Maybe another time

Journal Entry 3

April 5

Here’s my first piece of writing I referred to earlier. This turning point paper actually wrote far easier than I had first envisioned. After all, it is a story recalled from a point so epic in my own life that its course was altered. I wonder how many people will actually read what I post? Being prior active duty and attending Evergreen, I’m somewhat reluctant to share my military life with my classmates. I don’t feel like I’m a very militant person in most regards, but I’ve heard horror stories surrounding veterans attending this school. It’s truly too early to know all the personas that surround me, but I have a good feeling overall. Stereotypes are named so for a reason, but I feel things might have been slightly exaggerated by my more conservative peer group.  I hope this goes well because while writing this piece I had an epiphany about my final memory project. Let’s see how this plays out.

Journal Entry 2

April 3

As luck would have it, my little girl Kimbra has shared with me the pandemic plaguing her daycare! Sam and Stacey were having some technical difficulties getting Boyhood up and running. The two coupled together were too much for me to bear! Time to take a Nyquil induced nap. On the bright side, the movie was available to rent on Amazon, and this was a good excuse to lounge on the couch with my wife Jevahly. We both really enjoyed the movie! Linklater did an outstanding job of really linking the world surrounding each time period filmed with the characters’ lives. Just the subtle things like clothing, fads, and music especially. Filming over a 12 year period surely made that slightly easier. The way each person grew/matured kind of hit home with me as well. Now in my late 30’s, I’ve watched myself, friends, and family go through similar metamorphosis and grow up to be a person 180 degrees different than our childhood. I’m glad this was a part of the curriculum because I doubt I would have seen this film otherwise.

Journal Entry 1

March 30

This class seems like it will be far more reading and writing than anticipated. I knew a class titled after this 4000 page novel would require a substantial amount, but this almost seems overwhelming. At the same time I’m excited for the challenge as it can only improve my public writing skills. Even though fishing from a kayak is about as far from Proust as you could possibly land, I feel that the story telling, and writing that will be covered in the next 10 weeks can only improve my finished product. I just hope I can keep up…

Journal Entry #6

Journal Entry #6

April 29, 2015

Last night, while cooling off after a late evening Muay Thai class, thoroughly exhausted both physically and mentally yet with too much adrenaline left in my system to sleep, I found myself perusing through videos of the Baltimore riots. Although I had read newspaper articles on the subject earlier that morning, seeing the raw chaos and violence unfold from the perspective of the people who witnessed it took on a quality altogether different than reading intellectualized accounts.

The first video I found was filmed from the perspective of a group of white people taking shelter inside a bar. At first a few of them were standing outside, possibly because they didn’t anticipate what was to come or they wanted to catch the event on video. The rioters began hurling open bins full of garbage at them, and two of which hit women in the group near the person filming. The assailants may have targeted the women intentionally, either anticipating that they would react more slowly to the projectiles or to deliberately antagonize the men they were with. One of the larger thugs came over to the group near the person filming and punched a bystander in the face several times before running back to the group of rioters. Those that chose to fight back got caught up in a huge brawl and from the video it is unclear what happened to them.

After a draining bout of kickboxing, my first reaction in as I took this all in wasn’t anger. I found myself imagining what it would be like to be thrust into a situation like that. I started to envision what the best strategies would be to remain safe, and which self-defense measures would be most effective. Reacting to the violence with more violence would most likely not have a good outcome, but it would be hard to stand idly by and watch as others were hurt without stepping in to defend them. The violence simply rolled through the streets like a surging wave, welling up suddenly like a flash flood that threatened to overtake anyone in its path. To reverse the course of the riot or assert control over it seemed like more than any one person could have accomplished. Another video showed a huge black man with his arms outstretched, forming a barrier between the police and protesters to discourage violence. This struck me as incredibly brave. Finally, I watched as a news reporter interviewed one rioter as others slashed a fire hose to disrupt firefighter’s efforts to control a fire inside a CVS that was set by arsonists after looting it.

I went to sleep disturbed by what I had seen, so over breakfast I sent Sweeney, my girlfriend, a link to a NY Times article reporting on the the effects and aftermath of the event in order to discuss it with her and hear her opinion. It was my favorite of the articles I had read on the issue. The article includes an interview with an African American social reformer in Baltimore, who watched dumbfounded as a multimillion dollar housing project for senior citizens he had worked on for years was burned to the ground. The article also describes the difficulties that government officials have had in getting any corporations to invest in the troubled neighborhoods prior to the riots, with specific reference to the CVS that was destroyed.

Sweeney responded that the article doesn’t explore the perspective of the rioters, so I sent her the video of the fire hose slashing which includes a man hiding his face as he rants to the reporter; quite possibly to distract the news camera as the other rioters converged on the hose.

As disturbed as I was by the videos, that feeling was compounded by the film The Sorrow and the Pity, which we finished in class today. I couldn’t shake the feeling that the story was not enriched in any way by including the interviews of men who had been high up in the Nazi military during WWII. Neither of them were apologetic about their role in the war, and I have trouble buying into any rationalization they may employ as for what motivated their involvement or their knowledge of the full scope of the evil of the Nazi party. I was also put off by the way they chose to end the film., It went into a detailed portrayal of the injustices committed after the war and the innocent people that were condemned by the French after they were liberated from Nazi control. Although the scale and scope of the injustice that went on after the war differed drastically from what went on during the occupation, the film spends a good deal of time delving into it and ends on that note, as if to insinuate that everyone was guilty of some form of inhumanity not just the Nazis. The documentary went so far as to include at the end a former Nazi recounting his woeful tale of being spit on after the war ended.

The ending of The Sorrow and The Pity reminds me in a way of the Mel Gibson movie Apocalypto. The whole movie is about the persecution of one small tribe by the Mayan Empire. The movie ends with the tribes spotting Spanish ships on the horizon for the first time, and is suggestive enough that the viewer may question “Well, if that’s how the tribes treated each other before the Spanish arrived, and then was the process of colonization really that bad? Maybe that’s just the way their history is.” This is along the same lines of people saying “the Africans were enslaving each other before Europeans even got there.” To me, the documentary is making a deliberate statement by focusing so much on the way that political prisoners were treated post liberation at the hands of their own people instead of the Nazis. It is as if to say “it’s not just the Nazis who were criminals. Atrocities were committed on all sides and no one is completely innocent. You can’t judge the Nazis for what they did”

Both the documentary we watched in class and the news reports from the riots in Baltimore made me question, what exactly is the value of a narrative? When telling a story, are some narratives and perspectives more valuable than others? When crimes and atrocities are committed that have implications greater than the individual perpetrators, is the best way to get a balanced view of both sides really to include their narrative? Although rioters in Baltimore may have committed petty crimes, or in some cases felonies and more serious crimes, to me this doesn’t put them on the same level as the atrocities, genocide, and crimes against humanity of the Nazis, however parallels do exist in the way that their story is told and the sense that the individuals committing the crimes stand for something larger than themselves.

There are many arguments that can explain the side of the rioters and make their cause relatable. The social reformer who was quoted in the NY Times makes the case that the acts were a senseless reaction resulting from underserved and underprivileged youth who, filled with anger, didn’t realize the repercussions of their actions. Statistics can also reveal that the areas affected the most are home to a populace that is generally not well educated. Hearing the explanations in that article, it isn’t hard to relate to the justifiable anger of the youth there. As a teenager I could imagine myself protesting or rioting with no thought of consequences, and I didn’t have half the problems that the youth in those communities are faced with. When the argument is correctly framed, the action of those rioters is compelling in a sense. It has actually caused me to put more thought into the specific ways in which members of those communities are disenfranchised, and issues of racial inequality, than I otherwise would have. The problem is that by interviewing the rioters themselves, you get none of those kinds of answers. Just a spout of reactionary hatefulness from the mouths of those who are too ignorant to realize that their actions are hurting themselves and their community just as they are damaging the livelihood of the targets of their random aggression. We know what their motivations are. We don’t need to hear it directly from the perpetrators of the crimes. Their opinion is not likely to build a productive dialogue or have any real value. It is better to understand their perspective in other ways. Similarly, I think it is more productive to learn the intricacies of what really made the Nazi’s tick by taking a sociological or psychological approach. For example studying the impact on the Nazis of the propaganda they were exposed to, or to gain an understanding of the underlying social or historical forces that were at work. I fail to see what can be gained by focusing on the smug reminiscing and contrived excuses or people who took part in atrocities under the banner of a genocidal regime. The narrative of a crime’s perpetrator isn’t necessarily the best way to put their actions into context.

Journal Entry #5

After watching The Sorrow and The Pity, I started to think more about my heritage. The horrible events that occurred during 1941 not only affected the Jewish but also the Dutch and Indonesian. The Japanese Empire occupied the Dutch East Indies from March 1924 until 1945. My grandmother of Indonesian decent was taken to a Japanese concentration camp when she was in her teens. Her memories of the conditions of the internment camp and what she went through there hardened her for the rest of her life. For the first time I am studying other people’s accounts of what she went through during the occupation of the Dutch East Indies (now Indonesia). The occupation in Indonesia is rarely mentioned in text books, and is often overshadowed (but also for good reason) by Hitler’s reign during the same time span. I’ve taken this opportunity to study my heritage and better understand my grandmother by seeing the suffering that her country went through.

Journal Entry #7

The focus of my memory project is to explore the ways we interpret information from our teachers, and how we then communicate that to our students.  Specifically, I will be exploring this transmission in a martial arts context.  Currently, my passion for this project comes from my position as an instructor where I train, and the many questions I have about how to be an effective teacher.

But where did my drive to teach come from?  In reflecting on this question I’m brought back to my bedroom in my childhood home, in a house my dad built.  I would sit in front of my stuffed animals, and using a small whiteboard, would lecture them on whatever I had just read about. It seemed to be a need of mine as a child to impart what I had learned to others.  If my mom brought me to some social event I had no shyness about talking some adult’s ears off about my latest obsessions; from dolphin intelligence to Thai culture.

As I grew into adolescence it became less about teaching others and more about storytelling.  I was rarely at a loss for words and practiced using gestures and expressions to convey my meaning more clearly.  As I progressed in theater I was put in a mentor position where I was given many opportunities to teach newer students what I was continually practicing.  At this time in my life it didn’t occur to me to analyze how I was teaching others; whether what I was saying was really helping them or not.

When I started my martial arts training the thought of teaching was so inconceivable that it didn’t even register as any sort of possibility.  I could barely wrap my head around the idea of rank promotions.  After a few years the desire to teach struck me like a roundhouse from my old instructor.  I realized I needed to do self-defense classes.  Someday when I had enough training, someday when I knew what I was doing, someday way down the line.  Still, the concept was very far off, a future goal that didn’t need to be addressed yet.

It wasn’t too much longer after that realization that my current instructors started making comments about me teaching.  “Someday when you have your own dojo…” “Some day when you’re teaching…” These comments startled me, but still, the position seemed like it was in the distant future.

Suddenly though, changes started occurring in the dojo.  Two instructors moving away, another needing a break, and assistant moving on.  Having just tested for my brown belt (an occasion that came much sooner than I
anticipated) my instructors asked me to begin teaching.  First it would just be helping out for kids class.  Then filling in for adult classes. Finally, developing a toddler program.

Faced with teaching others you really start to critique what you do.  Do I know enough to teach others?  Am I good enough at this to teach others?  Does what I say make sense?  Am I saying too much or too little?  What do I do
if someone asks a question I don’t have the answer to?  How do I correct someone in a constructive way?  How do I make sure all the students practice safely and respectfully?  And on and on.

My teacher often asks me “any questions?”  After asking one or two I usually say “that’s all I’ll ask for now.”  I need some time to let the rest of these questions form into sentences.  As a child in front of stuffed animals teaching was easy.  Now, when faced with four-year olds and forty-year olds the task is more daunting, and more enjoyable.  For this project I will be able to ask questions of my teachers about what we learn, how we practice, and how/what we teach.  Teaching, like the techniques we practice, requires practice and awareness.  After learning more about how my teachers teach, maybe I can be more effective in helping others learn.

Journal Entry #12:

*Interpretation of information, in class a classmate brought up their opinion on it how the narrator/ author of the piece will share information with the reader but that person who created the piece isn’t just giving us the facts but their opinion on the subject too whether that it’s intentional or not. And I couldn’t help but agree because like the quote says there is always two sides to a story. When i think of an example for this I think of how history is set up for us from children to adults, I remember learning about Christopher Columbus. Our young history books encouraged us to celebrate the holiday because “with out Christopher Columbus North America wouldn’t have been discovered.” Way down the line a young adult I find out that Christopher Columbus did come to South America, traveled the lands and came up to North America. But they so happened to leave out that the Spanish took over the land, impregnated women, forced their religion on them. And the fact that there has been more than just Christopher Columbus who has traveled to North America. I get the fact for discretion for children but because of a historian who decided to teach children about this subject and with out consent to the reader (in this case intentionally for the young audience, but then those kids are not given the entirety of the story and can like me grow up think one thing and one day realize, I was celebrating a massacre ( you know.)

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