In Search of Lost Time

The Evergreen State College

Author: halkek20 (Page 2 of 2)

Close Reading: Kekoa Hallett

On page 245, of Swann’s Way, we are introduced to the Duchesse/Mme de Guermantes, a member of French royalty and future love interest of Marcel. Immediately preceding her entrance into the novel, the narrator has been constructing elaborate romantic fantasies of Mme de Guermantes based upon her royal pedigree, which can be traced back to the semi-mythical Genevieve de Brabant, various works of art (including the ‘magic lantern’ of his childhood), and the natural beauty of the Guermantes way. The intensity of these fantasies quickly overwhelm the young narrator and he must turn to his father’s perceived ability to “transgress laws… more ineluctable than the laws of life and death” for comfort.  Failing at that, he falls into a morbid depression stemming from his inability to accept his own mortality which we can assume is narcissistic at its core because of the narrators ability to take impersonal encounters with death in stride, most recently, Aunt Leonie’s, which he dealt with by teasing the grieving Francoise and enjoying long walks in the country.

The first enocunter with Mme de Guermantes:

           Suddenly, during the nuptial mass, the verger, by moving to one side, enabled me to see in one of the chapels a fair-haired lady with a large nose, piercing blue eyes, a billowy scarf of mauve silk, glossy and new and bright, and a little pimple at the corner of her nose. And because on the surface of her face, which was red, as though she had been very hot, I could discern, diluted and barely perceptible, fragments of resemblance with the portrait that had been shown to me; because, more especially, the particular features which I remarked in this lady, if I attempted to catalogue them formulated themselves in precisely the same terms–a large nose, blue eyes–as Dr. Percepied had used when describing in my presence the Duchesse de Guermantes,

This is a strictly physical description in which the reader is given no sense of the grandeur and romance that has already been invested into this character. The pimple on her nose is an unattractive detail that strips Mme de Guermantes of her superidealized perfection. Then the narrator says to himself, “This lady is like the Duchesse de Guermante.” He is, at this first instant, incapable of accepting a reality that disagrees with his fantasy.

Now the chapel from which she was following the service was that of Gilbert the Bad; beneath the flat tombstones of which, yellowed and bulging like cells of honey in a comb, rested the bones of the old Counts of Brabant; and I remembered having heard it said that this chapel was reserved for the Guermantes family, whenever any of its members came to attend a ceremony at Combray; there was, indeed, but one woman resembling the portrait of Mme. de Guermantes who on that day, the very day on which she was expected to come there, could be sitting in that chapel: it was she! My disappointment was immense.

Mme de Guermantes is literally couched in the physical representation of her royal heritage in a spot reserved for her personage and the narrator still has to take a beat and go through this deductive process in order to accept the fact of her identity. Now struggling to reconcile this reality with his idealizations, the narrator realizes that he had, in his minds eye, stripped Mme de Guermantes of her humanity and elevated (it may be argued reduced) her into a work of art. The idolatry of art, otherwise the valuation of art and aesthetics as ‘greater than’ reality, is a central theme in Swann’s Way. Often we will find a character will be unsympathetic towards another character until such time as they can read into the other’s plight an artistic/historic allusion. From these recurrences, we infer a key motif in the work: Reality is valued in aesthetic terms.

To the previous point, we have now met Mme de Guermantes unmediated by the powerful associations of her name and for an instant we see her as an ordinary character. The narrator must now resolve the discrepancy between Mme de Guermnates as a fluid and compliant emblem for eternal romance and beauty and Mme de Guermantes as just another mortal under “subjection to the laws of life.” He fails utterly and is completely unrepentant about this fundamental flaw in his perception of reality. Instead, we are treated to a lengthy passage in which the narrator indulgently details an entirely new elaborate romantic fantasy in which Mme de Guermantes falls in love with him for no discernable reason. We follow the thread of this fantasy to a reflection on his ambition to become a great writer, which predictably leads him to another morbid depression.

But even if the narrator is blinded by his delusion, the text reveals the hypocrisy inherent in the narrator’s paradoxical understanding of the world around him. The narrator treasures his obsessive fantasies, these romantic artifices, consciously constructed delusions, above all else, refusing to relinquish them even when squarely confronted with contrary evidence. Yet, if one follows the trajectory of these fantasies, they always lead to some melancholy pit and the remedies always come about absent of any self-conscious impetus. Proust ties spontaneous or unwilled memories or experiences with his deepest feelings of joy or enchantment. The things that give him true joy come unbidden and are usually banal or natural (the madeleine, the Hawthorne).

These themes prefigure the novel’s central investigation: the search for/creation of one’s true identity. Who am I? How can one even begin to recognize ‘I’? etc. Proust attempts to answer these questions by exploring the nature of memory, which he (we can confidently assume) believes crucial to the nature of identity. But in this exploration, we see that memory is very rarely honest. Furthermore, it is not even benign. Memory is outright seditious, undermining our attempts to know other people, places, and ourselves by superimposing the colors of our own secret (even to us) desires upon every image that we see. This brings the validity of the entire Combray section of the novel into question as it composed largely of personal recollections of Marcel, as opposed to ‘Swann in Love’ in which the narrator seems to switch into an omniscient third-person. Marcel’s memories are simply not reliable. He plays with temporal relationships the same way that the Impressionists would play with relationships of light and color in order to achieve an image more accurate to his feelings than to objective reality. The final question we arrive at from this is: Does that matter? That is to say, does it matter as to the construction of an individual’s identity whether or not that individual has knowledge outside of the sphere in which his identity colors and alters all information? Proust has demonstrated that perception is suspect to a myriad of foibles and follies and that everything we know must first be mediated by that flawed perceptive organ and therefore is suspect of all the same foibles and follies.

Even the simple act which we describe as “seeing someone we know” is to some extent an intellectual process… (Pg. 23)

 

…like every attitude or action which reveals a man’s underlying character; they bear no relation to what he has previously said, and we cannot confirm our suspicions by the culprit’s own testimony, for he will admit nothing; we are reduced to the evidence of our own senses, and we ask ourselves, in the face of this detached and incoherent fragment of recollection, whether indeed our senses have not been the victims of hallucination… (Pg. 177)

1st Journal Entry

Well, I guess the best place to start would be in the city of Honolulu on the 20th day of October in the year of  our lord 1992, the 216th year of the Independence of the United States of America and the day of my birth. My mother has always told me that at the moment of my birth, a bright star fell from the sky, as if that heavenly body, waiting and gathering light for an eternity, could, at long last, pour itself into my corporeal form. After passing the usual neonatal bureaucracies: apgar tests, bronzing of the umbilical cord, inspection of my body for any imperfections, the wine bath, etc. I was placed in my mother’s arms. I have always had a preternatural sensitivity for the dark thoughts which come unbidden to men during only their most despairing or bitter hours and so before I had even opened my eyes, when I felt the rough skin of my mothers hands, wet from the exertion of her labors, I felt the terrible irony that mocks anyone who has ever known their mother, if only for this first touch. That when we first came into this world, we were alone, confined within her womb, the first thing we perceived was the inkblack slime of our prison, then, having spent months in contemplative solitude, imagining the sins we must have committed to deserve this sentence, we are wrestled out of that inscrutable envelope and given to a strange, weeping giant who is our mother, who’s face we have never seen. My mother read this all in my face and with an intuition befitting her new title gave me my name, Kekoa, Hawaiian for ‘One who will have a hard time adjusting in High School.’

As you can well imagine, growing up in Honolulu, during the shadow of the fall of the Soviet Union, was a desperate and trying time that only exacerbated the melancholic imbalance of my humors. In school, I would spin the classroom globe and thumb through the atlases wistfully, my eye would fall onto the big, orange, blob labeled, U.S.S.R. and I would think to myself, ‘When will my scholastic geographic learning materials reflect today’s reality, my reality?’ At night, I would awake to find my awesome race car bed sopping with sweat— just sweat, absolutely no other liquid excretions besides sweat— I had broken free from some Delphic fever-dream where I saw myself touching smart boards with both hands, ecstatically utilizing cutting-edge multimedia approaches to learning and I would gnash my teeth together with impotent desire, ‘One day,’ I would murmur to myself, ‘One day, I will carry in the palm of my hand a map so advanced and so detailed that I will be able to count every rose in the gardens of Versailles. Then! Then! As a final act of triumphant disdain over the  first, second, and third dimensions, completely ignore that opportunity that I might obsess over the virtual, insipid gestures of my oversexed peers.’ Of course, the fall of Communism is not just a defining moment in the geographical education of a young man, it also marks an awakening into the world of political economics. I realized at an early age that everything in life could be assigned a value in dollars (or gold) and then judged against anything else in life by this standard. It was for this reason that I became the youngest person ever in the history of the universe to understand the concept of private property and theft. I would steal one coin everyday from my mother’s coin collection and hide them underneath the rubber sheets of my race car bed. This is what is known as diversifying your portfolio against prorated long-time annuity bonds federal tax-deductible vertical integration paradigms and if you want to be rich like me, order my book, “Proactive Inheritance: How to Steal From your Mother And Still Get Into Heaven!” Call toll-free at (425)478-0116 and tell them I sent you! That’s (425)478-0116! Call today!

Turning Point

I can’t tell you exactly when or how I began playing soccer, furthermore, I don’t believe that a single one of the young boys in the entire AYSO could have explained in any satisfying way how they managed to become a part of this charming and artless athletic slapstick. I must assume that we were all impelled by the same inscrutable pair of forces that would have dominated, directed, and guarded jealously all other aspects of our lives. One says to the other: ‘The boy needs to get out, he can’t just sit at home all day.’ ‘Yes, but what if he were to get injured?’ ‘Nonsense, he’ll have pads and a helmet.’ ‘Oh, but he’s so delicate and it’s just so violent.’ The former begins to roar, ‘Now you’ve already spoiled him soft, why in my day we would use surplus flak jackets as shoulder pads and our ball was an unexploded claymore and we were glad for it I’ll tell you what. He is going to do this!’ ‘I will not have you turn our son into a vegetable so that you might relive your glory days!’ So my father, a touch grayer and a bit more palsied, would usher me to the soccer cleats and shin guards, but not before leading me slowly through the football aisle and giving me a strange, wet look, to which I’d respond with a guileless grin of animal stupidity as my head lolled back and forth, trying to appease my father with my best impression of idiot beatitude, not having the words but wanting to say, ‘Father forgive me, one day I will bring great honor to your name, but today, I am just a babe. Can’t you see that I have not yet been endowed with the agency you expect of me? That today I am as hapless as a man o’ war being buoyed upon the tides? I will go wherever you lead, but no further.’

Soccer, like eating, sleeping, attending school, brushing my teeth and every other custom and courtesy of my youth soon became something that happened to me automatically. The gestures of my day were never decided, being entirely governed by muscle memory. Like an ant, I would follow the scent trail of my relentless routine and if ever I strayed off course, a large hand attached to the dopey, concerned face of some adult would grasp my shoulder and set me back on track. Every other Saturday, however, the monotony of my life was punctuated by the orgiastic pursuit of triumph over a rivaling soccer team. Actually triumphing was of middling importance so long as I was released from the tedious drilling and physical conditioning of soccer practice and given the 90 minutes in which my teammates and I joined in ecstatic cahoots against our challengers. They were all despicable: the vile Hornets from Diamond Head, the loathsome Hurricanes from Aiea, the Hunnish Warriors from Kailua, the Wolves from Hickam Airforce base were particularly abominable as all the players were either defrauding the AYSO as to their age or else they were the products of some nefarious military super-soldier experimentation. But, it didn’t matter at all who we faced, if we won, if we lost, so long as we could run and dive and exult in the strength of our limbs. Liberté, égalité, fraternité!

On this particular day, everything seemed to be as it always has been and always will be in Honolulu. The sun came up and it was glorious. The warm, effervescent trade winds rolled the few white clouds over the gold-green morning and I watched from the backseat window of my father’s car as we passed by tanned locals milling about outdoor bazaars filled with peculiar fruits and exotic baubles from the mysterious orient, by golf courses manicured into unwholesome perfection, by fine-sandy beaches where families had gathered to barbeque and daub the sky with kites, and to the field, patched by sleeping grass and painted with chalk, where we would play our game. I met up with the other children wearing homely, canary yellow uniforms and we began our warm ups. While doing our warm ups, I noticed that we were playing a team we had not encountered before. I do not remember their name, but if I was forced to come up with one based on their most obvious attributes I would dub them something like: the Potato Bugs from Palolo or perhaps the Convalescents from Koko Marina. Looking back on it now, I believe that the AYSO may have made some bureaucratic blunder and erroneously scheduled us to play against a team from their pee-wee league, but here we were, and we would not be denied our just desserts.

The game started and we massacred the poor invalids. It must have been 6 and 0 before the first quarter ended. I remember running by their coach and hearing her shout out, ‘Just take a shot! I’ll give a dollar to anybody who just takes a shot!’ At the quarter break our coach told us ‘No more scoring, just pass in front of the goal.’ The only effect this had was to further humiliate our opponents as now we were simply doing passing drills to each other in front of their goal as their entire team tried to get the ball from two or three of our players. At half time our coach tried to fix this, ‘Shoot for the corner posts.’ This made for a marginally better game as whenever one of our players would kick the ball clearly out of bounds the ball would be given to the invertebrate team, who could usually get it at least out of their goal zone before one of us would steal it back and kick it at the corner posts again. This was all progressing about as sportingly as any other collapse of the social contract would, when I got the ball, aimed at the corner post, and kicked. Hoorah, I hit the corner flag right on the tippy-top and this had become the only measure of success in this game, I felt victorious. I felt a burble of joy caught in my throat like a grape and I just had to let out a shrill ‘whoop!’ and throw my hands up to the sky. Not three seconds after that, as I was still beaming, the referee swept down upon me and handed me a card, ‘That’s bad sportsmanship.’ Immediately, I was crushed. My guts turned cold and I felt the gray weight of shame hit my stomach like a fist. I walked off the field and wished that the earth would yawn open underneath me and that some daemon would drag me to whatever level of hell I was inevitably destined for. In one instant, all the shining had left from the day; the great, golden motes of morning had been replaced by some poisonous choking gas. I wished for nothing more than to turn back time and undo what had been done and I could think of no other solution to this calamity, but I had only an intermediate understanding of quantum physics at that tender age. And so I sat and stewed in my own shame, contemplating how quickly gold turns to lead, triumph into bitterness, all life into ash. I have never experienced happiness since that day.

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