Would you like directions to the source of my mind chatter?
Are you an unhappy soul?
Reality and dreams…..
Solitude vs. Society
Blue is the color of my mother after a few glasses of wine.
I might base the female character in my story on that girl from the coffee shop in Sedona. She was passionate, she was beautiful, she was strange. My conversation with her was brief and mostly on the surface, but still, two years later (I think), I can picture her so clearly in my mind. She made a big impression on me. I wonder why the male character is coming to me so readily, but the female character is still such a mystery? I’ve even started to wonder if I should include her, since (so far) her character is less inspiring to me. But I’ve decided that I am going to, because I love the idea of him and her being parallel characters. They have some of the same thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc. I’m also excited about making to two characters ALMOST meet a few times, but never actually run into each other.
Male character… I’ll talk a lot about his perception of reality. I’ll draw inspiration from that time in my life, about a year ago, when I felt like I was going crazy. When I worked at that chocolate shop and when reading Fight Club made me FEEL like the main character in Fight Club, and when I felt incredibly alone, and when I could hardly carry a conversation or function as a normal human being. That was a crazy horrible powerful time in my life (lasted about 2 or 3 months, I think) and I took a lot away from it. It taught me a lot about the fluidity of reality, and how
- Not everyone experiences reality in the same way
- Your perception of reality can change depending on all kinds of external circumstances
Since that time in my life, my perception of TIME has been shattered. Completely shattered. I want to attempt to describe some of this in my story.
I just found the section in my last journal that was written during that strange confusing time. Here are a few things that I wrote..
These days I’ve been dreaming so much that I am constantly getting reality and the dream world mixed up. And by constantly I mean CONSTANTLY.
Monday morning and the sun is so bright. Perception of time has been erased, let go of, reformed, turned to shit, screwed with. Oh what a life, oh what a dream. What is reality when your voice echoes when you speak, when the world seems like it’s spinning, when you see what you hear and you smell what you see? What is reality when shadows are undefined and sunlight is blinding?
I DID NOT play much music this week, not much at all. But I pretty much forgive myself, Mon-Tues-Wed-Thurs I worked and felt very weird and scattered. Also reading Fight Club put me in a strange state, + stress from my first few days at work, + my whole concept of reality is shifting, nothing feels 100% REAL anymore. What the fuck is reality?
I feel like the narrator/main character of Fight Club. I haven’t been sleeping much. Reality doesn’t feel real. It seems like nothing exists, like all of this is a dream. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy. How long is this going to last? Probably until I quit this fucking job.