A few goodbye things:
i. With Dogtooth finished and turned in I feel like the past few days have been one large exhale; my spine unfurling like a fiddlehead fern, sprouting up and out from where I’ve been cramped over my desktop. I’m excited about a new project I might start. It’s been on my mind for awhile now, yet after this quarter I think I will feel more confident going into the process. Less skittish of making mistakes, because with Dogtooth I’ve learned to make errors and then move forward, not being stalled by them. Accepting them.
ii. I just watched a murder of crows chase and accost a robin. The robin was trying to make off with a scrap of something in its talons and the crows didn’t take kindly to whatever it was. They cawed aggressively, like a mob. The violence of it… made me feel like I was watching something terrible happen, or about to happen, but it was out of my reach. Black wings beating around the robin in midair. I thought of the specific panic when your hair gets blown into your eyes and you can’t see anything and it feels strangling.
iii. Waitlisted for Beginning Photography. I’ll show up anyways. The next quarter hangs in the balance of whatever number I am on that waitlist, and if enough people don’t show up I might be able to grab a slot. I hope they all sleep in or miss their bus, or don’t care more than me. I want to get in.